I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
