He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
