in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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