2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
