not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
