You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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