Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
