do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
