your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
