y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
