I cockslap morals
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
