I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
