I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
