We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
