It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She has the best kind of daddy issues
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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