Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
