You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
