Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
