I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
