I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
