Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
