This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
