So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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