I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
