DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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