apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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