so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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