she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
