Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
