a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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