Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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