Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
