Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
