This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
