I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
