I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The beer is more important than you right now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
