Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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