Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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