the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
