I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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