Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
