I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
