I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
