you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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