Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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