Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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