Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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