Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
