i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
