Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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