I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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